Space Lettucian Beauty >>


AIRED: 02-01-2019

“Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can’t take it.” I feel you, Ricky Fitts, truly, deeply!! Sometimes, there’s so much bullshit out in space, I feel like I can’t take it! Today, we find out all KINDS of cool new scientismic stuff about our old and dear friend, Magic Gravity. Also, make sure you strap in for something even BETTER and COOLER and NEATER and AWESOMER than Dark Matter…
–A bizarre object orbiting Earth is reminding astronomers of an empty trash bag. The unusual satellite is trekking around the planet in an almost absurd ellipse, dipping as close as 372.8 miles (600 kilometers) from the surface and then swinging out to a distance of 334,460 miles (538,261 km), or 1.4 times the average distance of the Earth to the moon. Butterflies float by…smoke drifts along…dandelion fluff is held aloft…” satellites” “orbit” the “planet”. But Magic Gravity has it going on!! Grab that bag, MG!!
–Seeing as we have never seen Dark Matter, ever, never, well, we had to think really hard…and we did, well, space dudes did, and now, voila!! A new thunk!! Toss out that old dull Dark Matter, buy new improved Space Bubbles!
–Doubting all this Magic Gravity coverage? BAM! Mars Rover gotcha covered!! Cue the RC car! Go bring me that mountain!!
–Anti-Vaxxed kids are trying to get around behind parents backs seeking vaccines without parental consent. #KillYourTV


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